Total Word Salad (epicallytired) wrote,
Total Word Salad

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BE Chapter 10

So this is chapter ten of Blue Ecstasy, It is, as Always, Dedicated to my wives. _alicesprings  , happier_bunny  , and xie_xie_xie 

the Banner was made by the banner goddess silent_seas 

I would like to apologize in advance for this chapter, and for how long it took to post.  My muses took a look at my messy house, my lazy, can't be arsed to get out of bed ass, and my current employment situation and said "pfft, we're outta here."  and so they went.  I hope they will come back, i truly do, working without them is lonely and the results less than satisfactory.

so feel free to pummel my muses, repeatedly, with large stones and genuine critisism... they know this chapter isn't their fault, they had nothing to do with it.  i think they're in australia playing with my wife.

Blue Ecstasy

Chapter Ten

Justin walked towards his home while he talked.

He was no closer to having any answers when he got off the phone and let himself into his apartment. He threw the phone onto the sofa in frustration and went to the kitchen staring at the inside of his refrigerator for a full five minutes before admitting to himself that there really wasn’t any food in his house unless he was in the mood for peanut butter on… fuck, he was out of bread. He sighed and turned on the television. Nothing appealed to him. He paced and laughed at himself when he startled at the sound of the phone ringing.


“Honey, I’ve been thinking about it and I think…”

Justin cut his mother off. “I shouldn’t have called you. I’ll figure it out.”

He could hear his mother’s expression over the phone. He sighed. “Okay, tell me, what do you think?”

“I think maybe you’re just scared.”

“I’m not afraid of him.”

“I didn’t say you were scared of Brian. I think maybe you’re afraid what will happen if you admit that you care.”

“Nothing will happen, I’m not going to do that. Besides, it’s not like I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“Well, you and Kyle were always more friends than anything.”

Justin sat down and rested his feet on the coffee table. “I know, that’s what was so great about it.”

“So, what’s great about this?”

Justin wasn’t sure exactly how much he wanted to share with his mother. “The sex.”

Jennifer laughed, “well, that’s something.”

“Yeah, but in this relationship, it’s everything, which would be fine except he acts as if there’s more.”

“And you don’t?”

“No, I knew this wasn’t a long term thing.”

“Does that mean it can’t be?”

“I don’t fucking know.”

“Well, think about it. I’ve got to run. Will you be at the vigil tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, I have to check with…”

“Brian” they said in unison.

Justin laughed. “It’s about the case.”

“I’m sure.”

“Goodbye mom.”

“Take care, Justin.”


Brian tried to fall back asleep after Justin left. They were both beginning to run on empty. He pondered, briefly, if that might be why everything seemed surreal and more intense with Justin. He decided it was definitely sleep deprivation and closed his eyes. An hour later he was still trying to find a comfortable spot moving himself, his pillows, the blankets. Nothing worked. When he grabbed a pillow from the other side, Justin’s side no no no NOT Justin’s side, the other side of the bed and draped his arm over it, the scent making his dick twitch a little. He exhaled and let himself drift. Brian slept.


Justin didn’t manage to get much accomplished. He’d been determined to run some errands today, pick up a few things, get some groceries. In the end he’d laid in bed, tired, but not able to sleep. After tossing and turning for almost an hour he reached into his drawer and found what he was looking for. He lubed it well and closed his eyes, imagining it was Brian filling him, fucking him. When he came, moaning Brian’s name. He fell back onto his pillows and closed his eyes. Justin slept.


Justin was late getting to Babylon. He’d overslept and then showered quickly, stubbing his toe on the way out the door. He missed the first bus and gritted his teeth while he waited for the next. When he got there Morrison was leering at him. He ignored it, changed into his costume and took his place in the cage at the corner of the bar.

He smiled at the customers and wondered what it meant that Gary knew about Morrison.

Did the other officers who were working the case know that Justin was running for him? Did they think he was on the take? His thoughts switched gears while he considered Brian’s living conditions. He never had found out where Brian’s seemingly endless supply of money came from. He filed that away. It would be a good thing to talk to him about tonight. It could keep them occupied. Justin refused to even consider the possibility of them falling back into bed together. The sex was getting in the way of the case, and if Debbie hadn’t already told Horvath, well, then there was still a chance that once this was over he could keep his job, work his way up to detective.

He smiled as a man whispered into his ear and pushed several hundred dollars under his waistband. He looked over the man’s shoulder and made sure Morrison was watching. He touched the guy’s shoulder, running his hand down to his elbow, then he moved against him, his hand cupping the customer’s ass. Morrison nodded; he’d gotten the message. Justin pushed him away gently and went back to dancing.

When he finally got a break Morrison was waiting for him in the small back area reserved for changing costumes and stashing dancers’ street clothes. Justin glared at him and then sat down with a beer, relishing the feeling of not being on his feet.

Morrison stood over him, and Justin didn’t even care that he was trying to loom. “What?”

“I need you to do something for me when your shift is over.”

Justin looked up at him. “I told you I wasn’t into…”

“Not that kind of thing. I need you to make a delivery for me. Here’s the address.” He handed Justin a piece of paper.

Justin nodded. “What do I need to deliver?”

“It’ll be in your locker when you finish tonight.”

“You have a key to my locker?”

Morrison Just cocked an eyebrow and smirked. Justin resisted the urge to hit him, he hid his anger behind a smile. “Hey, you know, if you’re looking for someone to…”

Morrison turned his back and walked away before Justin could even mention the possibility of working the high school areas.

Justin dealt with the usual drooling patrons and a couple of Morrison's customers for the next couple of hours. When he got his next break Brian was standing near him. Nothing new there. He tucked his fingers into the waistband of Brian’s jeans and dragged him to the back room.

Brian was nuzzling his neck. “That desperate for me?”

Justin pushed him against the wall, leaning in until his mouth was next to Brian’s ear. “Morrison wants me to make a delivery after work.”

Brian growled and Justin pushed against his chest a little harder. “I’ll do it, I don’t see a way out, but I’m giving you the address.” Justin moved his hand towards Brian’s fly; pushing the paper Morrison had given him into the pocket of Brian’s black jeans before he pulled the buttons open. He heard Brian groan.


“Shhhh, you’re not supposed to know my name, now fuck me, so no one suspects that we’re just talking.”

Brian kissed him and turned them until Justin was against the wall.


Brian was surprised when Justin dragged him to the back room. His surprise was tempered with concern when he mentioned his post shift mission for Morrison. After that, it was difficult to concentrate on anything other than the feel of Justin's body. The hot feel of Justin’s breath against his ear. He was promising him he’d be safe.

“you can’t promise that.” he whispered back, then he sucked on Justin’s earlobe.

“trust me, for once, just trust me.”

“Justin…” Justin seemed about to say something else, so Brian moved his hands down Justin’s waist until they were grasping his hips and turned him around. Justin didn't resist Brian's efforts.  He rested his forehead against the wall.


He lowered Justin’s red spandex shorts below his ass and worked a lubed finger into him. Justin’s body was riding Brian’s finger like it was his cock. “It’s too dangerous, don’t do it.”

“God, just fuck me.”

Brian slid into him and wrapped an arm around his torso. “I mean it. Don’t do this.”

Justin pushed back onto Brian’s cock. “This?”

“You know what I mean, it’s is a bad idea.”

“Just find out where I’m going.”

“I’m going with you.”

“No fucking way. Mmmmmm, god, Brian… I just want to know if I’m walking into a trap.”

“You are", thrust, "Trust me.” Justin’s head fell back against Brian’s shoulder. His arms were straight and his fingers spread against the wall, giving him the leverage to push against him, taking him fully inside. “For once",thrust, trust", thrust,"me. Christ, you’re tight.”

“If it’s a major, thrust, package, thrust, we’ll call it in and, thrust, bust Morrison for good.”

Brian bit at Justin’s ear. “Listen to me, thrust. twat. You’re never gonna get Morrison. He’s connected, seriously so. Maybe you, thrust, should, thrust, talk, thrust, to thrust, stalker boy.” Brian’s movements were speeding up, his breathing becoming erratic.

Justin’s hand moved down to his own cock and Brian’s joined him. “Maybe I’ll talk to thrust, Daniel tomorrow,  thrust, for now, just…thrust, god, don’t stop.”

Brian bit justin' s ear and felt Justin’s ass convulse around him, almost pushing him out with the force of his orgasm. He pulled Justin closer, grunting as he came. Then he breathed across Justin’s ear, “I want you safe.”

Brian withdrew and Justin turned around, rearranging himself in his costume. He kissed Brian, their tongues sliding against one another. “I can take care of myself.”

Brian ran a hand through Justin's hair, cupping the side of his face, his thumb brushing Justin's lips.  he was about to say something but Justin kissed the tip of his thumb and turned to go. He stood watching him leave. In the low light he could barely see the mark between Justin’s shoulder blades from the previous evening, but he knew it was there,  staring at him accusingly. He wanted to stop him, stop this but Justin wasn’t ready to let it go. He considered calling Horvath but instead simply left, heading home to check out the address and see what he could find before Justin’s shift ended.


Justin got dressed and found a courier bag in his locker. He slung it over his shoulder, refusing to look inside until he was out of the club.

Justin was aware of Morrison's eyes following his every move. He nodded at him once and left. Brian was at the end of the alley and Justin could s feel Morrison still watching him as they got closer. He walked past Brian, not even acknowledging his existence. He continued walking feeling, rather than seeing Brian follow him. Justin let himself into the back of Brian’s building and waited in front of the loft door. Brian was there moments later.

“Did anyone see you?”

“See me what? Leave Babylon and stagger home?”

Justin relaxed a little. “Sorry, I’m getting a little paranoid.”



“I’d feel better if I thought you were taking this seriously.”

“You don’t think I am?”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Brian, just tell me what you found out about the address.”

“It’s zoned residential, under the last name Manicini.”

“What? Shit, why doesn’t he deliver it himself then?”

“Because this is a test.” Brian nodded towards the bag. “It's in there?”

Justin nodded. Brian shut the loft door and set the alarm before opening it. He shook his head, “Justin, No.”

Justin swallowed hard. “I have to Brian.”

“I’m sending backup.”

“You can’t. He’s going to be watching.”

“Justin, you can’t walk around with at least a thousand tabs of E. Brian grabbed a towel from the counter and used it to pick up the plastic wrapped package. “Shit.’

“What?” Justin leaned over Brian’s shoulder and almost threw up. “Is that?”

“Justin. Give it back and tell him you can’t.”

“Brian, I have to do this.” they looked at each other. Justin wondered if he looked as green as Brian did. In the plastic bag under the E was a bloody finger. “Maybe it’s not real.”

Brian turned the bag upside down 'til the digit in the plastic wrap fell to the table. They both looked at it carefully. “It’s real. And we have to turn it in. do you have any idea whose it is?”

Justin shook his head.

“Justin, go sit down on the sofa.”


“Because you probably don’t want to watch this.”

“Watch what?”

“I’m getting a fingerprint before you deliver it. We need to know who it belongs to.”

“I’m guessing they’re not missing it.”

“We don’t know they’re dead.”

“We don’t know anything.”


“Fuck off. I can handle it.”

Brian dug around under his sink until he found what he was looking for. Then he went fishing in a drawer in the credenza.
“Why do you have surgical gloves?”

Brian smiled and made a fist. Justin rolled his eyes.

Brian carefully rolled the bloody finger over a piece of packing tape and spread it carefully onto the printer paper he’d retrieved. He threw the finger back in the plastic, and then all of it back into the courier bag. “I’m following you, then I’m going to the station.”

“Go to the station, I’m going to have to go straight home after I do this.”

“Back here when you’re done, or you can meet me at the station.”


“This isn’t babysitting, Justin.”

Justin shook his head. “If it feels safe.”

Brian sucked his lower lip into his mouth and Justin knew there was something more he wanted to say. “I’ll call you if I can’t make it here.”

“Make it here.”

Justin slung the bag over his shoulder. “So how do I get there?"

Brian read him the directions and Justin repeated them back, he was on his way out the door when Brian pulled him back. “Justin.”


Brian lowered his mouth to Justin’s and kissed him. Justin responded in the exact way he’d promised himself he wouldn’t. They continued the kiss for a while. Clutching each other tightly, mouths fused. When they finally pulled away Justin reached up to peck Brian’s cheek. “I’ll see you later.”


He shut the door behind him.


Brian smoked, and paced, and waited. Two cigarettes and a shot of beam later he tucked the fingerprint into the inside pocket of his jacket and got into his car. Fifteen minutes later he was at the station. He ran the prints and cursed. It was almost four in the morning and Horvath was, he was sure, asleep, he considered calling him anyway, not sure what his next move should be.

He pulled up the information again, checked it a third time. Daniel. Why had Morrison had his cousin’s finger cut off, and to whom was Justin delivering it?

Brian did a more thourough search on the address, on Daniel, on anything he could think of. He wanted this case solved and he wanted it done now, before Justin got hurt… more seriously hurt he amended as he flashed on the image of the blood stained t-shirt currently in his trash can at home.


Justin was used to wearing his gun when he was in uniform, and equally comfortable not wearing it when he wasn’t. Right now…he wanted his gun. He found the address and left the bag on the front porch swing as the note requested. He knew it was almost four in the morning. The house was dark. He turned to leave and a porch light went on. Next door a dog barked. Justin ran.

He kept running. He wasn’t sure if anyone was following him, or if it was his own heartbeat in his ears, the echo of his own footsteps on the empty street. There was no time to slow down and find out. He didn’t stop until he was back on Liberty Avenue. The lights never turned off on Liberty. He leaned against a wall, bent forward, hands on his knees, trying to take in oxygen. He couldn’t. His hands shaking from the adrenaline he fumbled in his pockets. Shit, no inhaler. He hadn’t had an asthma attack in years. He tried to think where he’d last seen his inhaler. He thought it might have been in the drawer by his bed when he still lived at home.

He gasped again and heard the strangled sound. There weren’t many people on the street and none near him. He tried to call 911. He dropped the phone. When he bent to pick it up, the world went black.


Brian was driving home; it was after four. Justin still hadn’t called. He headed down Liberty considering breakfast at the diner. He stopped when he noticed several people gathering around a body.

He pulled the jeep to the curb and got out, wondering if Morrison's special blend had claimed another life. People were bent over. Someone was calling 911. He looked and saw blond hair against the pavement and pushed everyone out of the way.


Louder this time “Justin!”

His heartbeat thundered in his ears. The light from the streetlamp was dull, but under it, Justin looked blue. Brian pulled him forward and checked for a pulse. There was one. He was breathing but Brian could hear the strain. The ambulance showed up just as Justin was regaining consciousness. The EMTs helped Justin to the ambulance. They asked him a million questions about his asthma and eventually, after listening to his heart and lungs, let him go. Brian watched Justin stand on shaky legs. He led him to the jeep and drove him back to the loft.


Brian looked at him. “You okay?”

“Yes. I got spooked, I guess.”

“By anything in particular?”

Justin shook his head. “I think it was the general, delivering a dismembered finger to the family, kind of spooked.”

Brian almost smiled. “Why don’t you carry an inhaler?”

“Because, as I told the oh so helpful EMTs, I haven’t had an attack in years.”


“Brian, can we not make this another ‘why Justin needs a pacifier and a crib’ speech?”

“I just think you need an inhaler.”

This time Justin almost laughed but Brian saw he was still shaking. He parked behind the building and they took the elevator together.

"So, what did you find out?"

"Not much, but the finger was Daniel's."

Justin sat down heavily and Brian moved towards him. Justin held his hand up, stopping him. “Just… just…give me a minute, okay?”

Brian nodded, hovering near the sofa, unwilling to move further away, following directions and not moving any closer. He picked at a fingernail, and waited. Justin was shaking visibly. Brian got Justin a blanket. He came towards him slowly, making sure Justin could see him in his peripheral vision before draping it gently over his shoulders. Justin pulled it close. “Thanks.”

Brian moved carefully, sitting on the other end of the sofa, wanting to touch Justin, afraid to disturb the delicate equilibrium he seemed to be trying desperately to control.




“You’d have to ask Morrison.”

“I think it might be time for me to quit dancing at Babylon.”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, I think it might.” He moved closer to Justin, still not touching him, waiting for a reaction. Justin didn’t move. Brian laid his hand on Justin’s knee over the blanket. Justin’s hand made it’s way out of the blanket and rested on Brian’s.

“I’ll tell The Sap after my shift tomorrow.”

After your shift?”

“We still don’t know why.”

“We’re not even sure we know who.”

“I’m pretty sure we know who.”

“You’re that sure it’s Morrison?”

“No, I think it’s Daniel.”

“The guy without a finger?”

“It makes sense.”

“Only in that twisted quagmire you call a brain.”

“Insult my intelligence, that’ll get you laid.”

“I’m not trying to get laid, and I was questioning your sanity, not your intelligence.”

“You’re not trying to get laid? Really? Justin opened his arms and straddled Brian, wrapping himself and the blanket around the both of them. He kissed Brian, grinding his ass against Brian’s lap.

Brian leaned his head back and smiled. Then he pushed Justin off of him. “Not this time.”

Justin looked confused.

“You’re not distracting me. People are dying, we have no idea why and the person we think might be killing them is, quite possibly, on to you. Fucking is not going to convince me that you should still be working at Babylon.”

Justin shrugged. “True, but then again, nothing you say is going to convince me that I don’t need a little more time with Morrison. You’ll find Daniel tomorrow, and we can question him.”

“Or notify his family.”

Justin paused for a moment. “Or that.”

Brian turned to face Justin who still looked pale, and was shaking again. “Besides, I’m not really into watching you turn blue and pass out. Maybe you should just take it easy.”

“Christ, Brian, have you ever trusted anyone to make their own decisions?”

Brian stood up and poured himself a drink. “There are people I trust.”

“I’m not one of them?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Then what?”

Brian sat down, bringing the bottle with him. “I trust people to look out for their own best interests. I also notice people have a tendency to lose sight of their own interests when they work too hard trying to make other people happy.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“I think you’re trying to impress Horvath, and me, and maybe your mother, or the other cops, or the assholes in Pitcairn. I think you think you have something to prove, and you’re willing to risk your own safety to prove it.”

“I’m trying to stop people from dying.”

“How’s that working out?”

“Fuck you.”

“Justin, the deaths haven’t stopped. All we know is that Morrison is involved somehow, and we’re not even sure of that.”

Justin opened his mouth to talk when Brian’s phone rang.

“Brian, two more deaths.”

“Fuck, when.”

“We just found them. They were both at Babylon tonight. Montgomery says they were both seen with Justin.” Brian froze. “Brian?”

“It’s Morrison. I’ll fill you in when we get to the station.”

“We have no proof.”

“We do. I’ll talk to you soon Carl.”

“Where’s Taylor now?”

“He’s here.”

“It’s five thirty in the morning.”

“We’ll be there soon.” Brian hung up the phone. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the station, two of your customers died tonight.”


“Morrison's getting sloppy, or…”

“Or someone else is.”

Brian nodded and grabbed his keys Justin followed him.

“My customers?”

“Both guys were seen ‘dancing’ with you tonight.”

“Oh fuck, Brian…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Yes it is. I knew this shit was killing people and I sold it to them anyway.”

“Because you’re trying to stop more deaths.”

“Well, that’s working, isn’t it?”

“Justin, there was nothing you could do.”

“And what about Daniel, was there anything I could do for him?”

“We don’t know what happened to him. Don’t start worrying about it now.”

“Why not? Do you really think I’m not in some way responsible for two men dying?”

“I think you were trying to help.”

“Bullshit. You didn’t think I should be working for Morrison in the first place. And you just finished saying that I’m doing all of this to impress someone. Oh fuck…”

“Not working for Morrison was about your safety. These guys put themselves in danger, they knew the risks. It’s been in the papers, on the news, Christ, your mother, and Debbie are hosting a candlelight vigil for the victims tomorrow night. It’s not your fault.”

Justin stared straight ahead, his expression grim and Brian knew Justin wasn’t convinced.

When they got to the station Brian parked and Justin glanced around suspiciously before he went in. Brian knew Justin was worried about blowing his cover but who the hell would be watching the police station at five in the morning? He ushered Justin inside.

They sat in Horvath's office, waiting for him and sipping stale coffee. “It might have been…”

“Don’t start speculating. Let’s see what we find out.”

They didn’t have to wait long. Horvath came storming in with a sheath of papers in his hand. He slammed them on the desk. “Two more deaths, both regulars at Babylon, neither known for overdoing it when it comes to shit like this.” Horvath sat down and stared at them. “Tell me what you know.”

Justin began to speak but Brian interrupted him. “Morrison's dealing the killer shit. I’m not sure what he’s stepping on it with but it’s not all of his stash. He’s doing it on purpose though. I think he’s got a turf war going on with his cousin.”

Brian saw Justin’s head turn to stare at him. He had wanted to share the theory with Justin earlier but there just hadn't been time.

“I’ve got a couple of sources who say that they were getting their shit from either The Sap or Danny, who is Morrison's cousin. Daniel can’t supply shit now and we know The Sap's not selling them anything at the moment, so it’s all coming from Morrison, making that kid rich, consolidating his vast empire.”

“So, why’s he killing his customers?”

Brian shook his head. “I don’t think he is.”

“Then who?”

“Daniel, well he was, 'til…”

Justin’s full attention was on Brian now. “You think that’s why Morrison took his finger, as a warning?”

Brian nodded. “I do.”

“So it’s not Morrison, it’s not The Sap, it’s Annoying Man?”

Brian shrugged, “that’s my hunch.”

“It makes no sense.”

“Has anything about this case made sense?”

Justin stood up, pacing. “That’s not right. If Daniel were spiking the punch, so to speak, how? And with what?”

“Talk to the runners, I’m guessing they’re the ones who are changing the inventory at the last minute.”

“It’s a stretch.”

“Not really. Who’s gonna buy from you now? Who’s going to buy from any of Morrison's boys now?”

Horvath looked up. “When did you become one of Morrison's boys?" he turned his attention to Brian. "I'm sure somewhere on my desk there's a report about a Daniel's lost finger."  

Brian nodded.  "It's not really lost.  We know where it is. Check your desk in a couple of days with fresh eyes. I'm sure you just missed it."

Carl muttered something and turned his attention back to Justin.  "One of Morrison's boys now?"

“Long story.” Justin was pacing. He didn’t notice Carl’s face turning a shade just shy of the color of his wife’s hair. “Brian, if it’s Daniel… where is he?”

“I’ve got them running a check on hospitals in the area, a wound like that.”

“It was probably his Father's house. This whole thing seems to be some sort of family bullshit.”

“Get me proof of everything, yesterday. And Taylor…” Justin looked towards Horvath, “the undercover thing is over. You’re out of there.”

“But I’m so close.”

“To what?”

“Morrison trusts me. He can help me find Daniel, we’ll…”

“We’re bringing him in. You won’t have a chance to talk to him.”

Justin shook his head. “He won’t admit shit to you. You’ve got nothing on him.”

“We’ve got your testimony.”

“Which will get him a couple of years for conspiracy to distribute. He’s bigger than that.”

“You’ve got one more day. If you can’t get me anything by this time tomorrow, you’re outta there and off the case.”

Justin nodded. Brian seemed about to say something and Justin glared at him.

“Find Daniel, he’s the key to all of this.” Brian told Horvath over his shoulder as he ushered Justin out of the office.

On the way towards the car they ran into Billy. He approached them. Justin glared.

“I need to talk to you.”

“What?” Justin was clearly annoyed. Brian didn’t leave his side.

“Not here. Call me on the number I gave you.”

Justin looked confused. Billy looked at him, “you didn’t give it to him?”

Brian shrugged, “slipped my mind.”

Billy sighed and pulled a notepad out of his pocket. He scribbled a number down. “Call me in an hour.”

Justin took the paper and Brian noticed he seemed careful not to let Billy get too close, and even more careful that their fingers didn’t meet during the transfer. “It better be useful information.”

Brian steered Justin away from Billy and into the jeep. “Well…”

“Don’t Brian. Just take me…”

“To the loft?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah, fine, whatever. The loft.”


I lean my head back and let the cool air blow through the open window. It feels good. I’m exhausted and confused. I try to sort through all of what I’ve just learned and it makes my head hurt.

Daniel’s killing people so Morrison's reputation gets fucked over and at the end of it all, it’s to impress their fathers or uncles? All those people are dead so a couple of greasy pizza makers will be proud? It’s not fair, and it’s just… wrong. And if Daniel’s doing it then why did he try to warn me, or was he trying to recruit me. He wouldn’t, not if he knew I was a cop. Fuck. None of this makes any sense. Brian’s hand is on my knee. That feels good.

We get out of the car and my knees feel like Jell-O my back hurts, my head hurts, my chest still aches from trying to draw enough air during my little asthma thing and the only thing that feels right is Brian’s arm around my waist. His hand is sliding under the waistband of my shirt. I lean against him and let him guide me into the elevator, through the door and towards the bed. I kick off my shoes and drop my jeans, to tired and sore to take off my shirt. He does it for me.

I crawl under the duvet, and I’m not sure if I want him to fuck me or just let me sleep for about a year. I guess he decides I need the sleep because he walks away. I miss him, and I know that’s insane because he’s on the other side of the loft, not the world. He sets the alarm and comes back up the steps. “Safer.”

I nod. It probably is. I’m pretty sure my cover is completely blown. There’s no way Daniel protected my secret in favor of his finger, so anything Morrison wanted to know, anything Daniel knew, I can now assume Morrison knows. The thought scares me but I still think we have a better chance of settling this if I talk to Morrison personally. Fuck, I’m supposed to call Billy. I sit up to get my phone but Brian’s in bed now and his hand is on my chest pushing me back down. “Justin.”

Great, now I’m hard because he said my name. What the fuck is wrong with me. His mouth is on my neck and I have neither the energy nor the desire to sit up, or move, or be anywhere but here, with his teeth gently pulling at my ear. His tongue sliding around the edge of it while his fingers stroke my nipples.


He’s tired and I should let him sleep. Hell, I’m tired too but I can’t stop touching him. He scared the shit out of me. Fucking kid, fucking asthma. He tries to sit up but I push him back down. It doesn’t take a lot of effort. He’s in no hurry to leave this bed. I’m in no hurry for him to leave this bed.

My hands stroke his chest. I feel his nipples harden under my fingers. I run my tongue along the curve of his ear and he shudders. My hand is moving of it’s own volition. I swear it is. My fingers touch the head of his cock, already wet, leaking against his belly and I move the covers a little, working my mouth down his body to meet my fingers. He sighs again.

I revel in the feel of his soft smooth skin under my lips. My tongue sliding across the surface, my lips pulling at the skin. I want to nibble at the spot near his belly button but he’d kill me if I left marks because he’s planning on working tomorrow. The thought kills me.

I’ve been against him working at Babylon since he started but now… now we know the danger and he’s still set on doing it. He’s going to get hurt and I’m trying to tell myself that he’s my partner and I can protect him. I don’t believe the second part. I suck at lying to myself. He is my partner and it’s my job to protect him but I’ve failed every single time I’ve tried.

My lips touch the head of his cock, my tongue relishing the salty taste of his pre-come and then I really can’t think about the case anymore. I lick along the base, swirl my tongue around the head, and it’s almost muscle memory. Trust me, I know how to suck a cock, but with him… my head’s a little more in the game. His body moves, he tries to get more of him inside my mouth and once again we’re on the same page. I take him inside, feeling his heartbeat as his cock throbs against my tongue, knowing when I’ve pleased him as he jerks into my mouth.

I deep throat him and he grunts, pushing up into me. I let him. He fucks my mouth, his hands in my hair. I listen as he gasps, straining my ears to see if I hear a wheeze, waiting for another asthma attack but that’s not where this is heading. He’s moving faster now. He spreads his legs and my fingers are stroking his thighs, tracing the curve of his balls. He’s moaning a little as I cup his balls and pull them away from his body, staving off his orgasm for a moment, but it’s just that, a moment. He’s coming and I pull my head back to taste him. He bends his knees, planting his feet on the mattress and bucking into my mouth. I move my hands to his hips, not stopping him but guiding him.

When his hips fall back to the bed I move up his body, kissing him, sharing the taste with him. He wraps his arms around me. “Brian, please, fuck me.”

I stretch my body over his. He wriggles under me and then turns over, his ass pressed against my cock. “Please.”

I don’t need him to beg, hell, I barely needed him to ask. I press a lubed finger into his ass and he’s stretching like a contented cat, squeezing himself against my finger, grinding his half hard cock against the mattress. I don’t even bother with a second finger. My cock is at his hole, pressing gently, he pushes up onto it. I wait, not fucking him, just letting him adjust. He doesn’t take much time to do so and then he’s pressing back against me, slowly. I’m afraid to move. I hold myself perfectly still while he eases against me until our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

He melts into me, and an arm reaches back to pull my head down to his shoulder. I kiss the spot where his shoulder curves into his neck. Tiny pecks all across his the back of his neck while he rocks under me, slowly, almost leisurely. He’s not in a hurry to get off, he just did. I can wait all night, or I tell myself I can. He lifts up again and I wrap my arms around his torso tightly, he can’t get away and he’s safe here… I want to stay here forever.

Loud sirens and alarms should be going off in my head, and I’m sure, if I weren’t sleep deprived and completely stymied but everything we’d just found out, they would… but they don’t. I think forever again and there’s nothing in my head screaming or flailing adding a hundred qualifiers. This is where I want to be, holding his body while his ass grasps my cock…forever.

But the reality is there’s no such thing as forever, and he begins to move faster. I match his rhythm and now he’s begging me to fuck him. I do. I’m a sucker when he begs, or I’m just a sucker. Either way, I feel the fingers of electric fire spread through me and I can’t hold back. I come, pressed against him. He’s pressed against the sheets and he comes too.

I roll us over, out of the wet spot, and he falls asleep while I’m still inside him.

My hand strokes his hair, feeling it’s softness, watching the contented smile on his face. I kiss the corner of his mouth and fall asleep with my fingers wrapped in blond silk.

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  • (no subject)

    I'm reviewing Top Chef Season 11 each week for Phoodie Phoodie the Food Blog check it out, it's…

  • I did a new thing. It's scary, hold my hand, please. has a red sauced stepchild called My brother does a bunch of stuff on there and when I ran across Supermarket Superstar,…

  • Life goes on

    Turns out I was epically tired because I stopped sleeping 37 x an hour. So now i sleep like Darth Vadar and am tired because I adopted This little…